Match report:Hjuviks AIK - Gothenburg Celtic FC

Hjuvik AIK 2-2 Gothenburg Celtic

Location: Hastevik
Attendance: 30 plus a few scantily clad pocohontoss on the sideline
Team: Freddy A, Kevin, Robin, Markus, Niall, Arman, Adrian, Andreas A, Jim(C),Stevie, Krister, Barry
Subs: Adam, Shaun, Glyn
Scorers:Adam, Markus
Man of the match: Markus
Refwatch: Strange as fuck

Gothenburg Celtic travelled to wild west of Gothenburg to play against Hjuvik in the sweltering heat. Hjuvik were flying high in division 7D and were probably expecting to take all three points before the match. 15 minutes in and they were definitely expecting to take all three points. GBG Celtic who are used to playing on lush green fields of astroturf in Heden were now playing on a pretty God awful rocky surface. But as Stevie mentioned it was not as if we ever passed the ball on the ground anyways. True. True.... Add to this the sun was out in force and with the celts coming from places such as Ireland and Scotland etc, this was always going to cause problems especially against a team of exotic looking tanned playboys in Hjuvik.

The game started tough for Celtic and the kick the ball high and run fast method was clear to be seen from the word go. Any passing in the back line was strictly forbidden (this is forbidden under any given circumstances regardless of heat, opposition, surface etc) Stevie and Adrian were winning the aerial battle and Celtic created a few chances with Arman and Barry coming close and Markus smahing his shot off the post. It wasnt long however until the tanned mustachioed playboys of Hjuvik went ahead. A long ball over the defence seen their striker clean through on goal and he knocked the ball past Freddy. Some Celtic players reckon it was offside but the referee who was 70 yards away told the appealling Celts there was no way he was offside and to shut their fucking mouths or theyll be carded. Prick. He did give us a water break though mid way through the half for which we could have married the old cunt for. The heat was getting hotter and pitch was getting rockier and soon the Celts went 2-0 down. The defence failed to clear the baw and Hjuvik mishit the ball towards goal and it rolled timidly into the net. There was an "Oh Bollox not again" feeling creeping into the team but with Captain Jim back (he arrived late after a 400km run backwards for the RSPCC in Norway) the Celts hit back. A snappy move seen Jim sprint down the wing and smash a low ball across the goalmouth which the keeper couldnt hold but Adam was lurking with intent as good strikers do and finished home to put the Celts back in the game. Also making Adam, at 15 the youngest ever player to score for Gothenburg Celtic. An interesting bit of trivia there if you want it.....

The second half started much better and the Celts began to play the ball around a bit (Not in defence though) and made steady ground upfield to win throw ins. This may seem futile and meaningless to normal football teams but for the Gothenburg Celts its partytime! Everyone in the box please! the ball shall be joining you very soon! Stevie launched throw after throw into box to be flicked on by kelly causing pandemonium in the area. It was literally a case of any throw in, get the big guys up. Hjuvik never seen anything like this before and sheer bewilderment was clear to be seen plastered on the faces. This is not football they thought, this is not even rugby. But fuck it, to us it was the beautiful game in action. Throw the cunt long, flick it on, make a mess and maybe get a scrappy goal. Beautiful. Needless to say after all the effort and confident trips upfield the equaliser eventually came. From a throw in obviously. Stevies throw, Adrians flick on and Markuss pinpoint header into the corner of net put the sides on level terms. The Celts in the crowd i.e one bare/pigeon chested wee fanny with a pseudo scottish/Irish accent shouting undesirable comments at the ref all game, went mad. With the game in the closing stages the tension was unbearable. Hjuvik had many players in acres of space and had a penalty claim correctly denied after Markus booted the fuck out of some poor fucker in the box and ended up getting a free out. Good ref. Stevie hit the post late on too but the draw was a fair ending and the ref blew his whistle as Celtic had a final corner. 30 seconds left he said and 3 seconds later he blew the whistle. It really wasnt worth our time arguing with the lad. We were all fucked from sunstroke anyways. The teams shook handed after a good hard contest on a good hard surface.

Celtic are now three games unbeaten in the league. Granted only one win in those three but its still some sort of record so piss off. The playful homo erotic towel whipping in the showers is usually saved for victories but after the great effort and result, Shaun the manager gave the go ahead for some playtime in the showers. As always with these games, the game was dissected in the pub over a few bevvies as the players decided who was the best. Had to go to Markus. Backatorp next on Sunday. Come and support the Celts!

hail hail
ak