Menisken IF 0-2 Gothenburg Celtic

Menisken IF 0-2 Gothenburg Celtic

Location: Heden
Attendance: 48,987
Team: Daniel, Niall, Andreas, Colm, Glyn, Dan, Stevie(c), Slavic, Jim, Adrian, Nakamrko
Subs: Barry, Simon, Markus.
Scorers: Dan, Slavic.
Man of the match: Jim or Dan.
Refwatch: Kudos to him, he took on the game at the last minute. Doesnt dig swearing but.

Gothenburg Celtic were sent soaring up the league ladder with a superb two nil win against Menisken IF. After a solid victory over BK Skjutet a week earlier spirits were yet again high but no one dares to even attempt mention that they were confident. As said before, confidence is a curse in the celtic camp and any fucker caught saying they were even slightly confident ahead of the game was to get raped by Bruhn. Not a pretty picture. A few changes were made with Thommo (busted eye) and Jesper (suspended for being a toerag) out and Jim and Glyn back in the fray. Injured trio, Barry, Simon and Markus waited on the sideline with bevvies, fags and doobies secretly praying not to be brought on.

After some referee problems (i.e there wisnae one available and one had to be poached from a wee girls match on the pitch opposite. Money talks) the game started like most games the hoops played this season. Poorly. Actually complete pish if were being honest. Although the Celtic are ahead of Menisken in the table, it certainly didnt appear that way early on. Menisken played football like a Dutch team in the seventies and made the hoops look like Stenhousmuir side struck down with cholera. Menisken, a damn good side by all accounts and surprisingly struggling in the league, passed the ball around like it was second nature while the hoops struggled to maintain possession and create and clear cut chances. The Celtic defence were rather shaky early on too, perhaps due to nerves or being hungover, or something. However as you well know, these Celtic players are the hardest of fuckers (with the looks to match well have you know) and battled hard winning their fair share of the aerial battle up front and in midfield and they chased down the Menisken defence causing all sorts of problems for the men in white. Menisken were still in the ascendancy and looked likely to score first. On one occassion the whole Celtic defence stopped playing thinking the ball went out of play. It was only when it was 6´six on one with the goalkeeper that they realised it had not in fact gone out. Dan managed to save the day however and keep it out but he couldnt stop the effing and blinding that followed. Play the whistle ya daft shower a pricks was heard on at least two occassion.

The turning point in the half came when yet again Menisken, a side revelling in their superior situation broke free from the Celtic defence and found themselves withing shooting range. But the midfielder could only smash the ball into the taj Mahal (the Indian resteraunt across not the actual building ya loonball) leading to a moment of shock and disgust. He preceded to shout the well known distateful name of the female genetalia at the top of his voice. The Celtic players mouths dropped. Never in their lives had they heard such disgusting, despicable language on a pitch before. The referee correctly displayed his red card sending the Menisken player off for his vile action, totally unbecoming of a top player. It all got too much for Nakamarko who insisted that he be substituted after the incident. He downright refused to share a football pitch with a team so uncouth and barbaric. Simon left down his can of Norrlands Guld and reluctantly joined the action as Nakamarko got counselling for his traum from his personal psychiatrist Jimmy walsh. After the unsavoury incident Celtic took over as the tend to do and were determined to punish the primates of Menisken for their outlandish language.

Jim and Dan were getting the better of their markers on the wings and it was from a break down the right flank where the deadlock was broken. Jim whipped his cross into the box clearing the attack and defence leaving Dan alone on the edge of the 18 yard box. He made no mistake and smashed home left footed on the half volley leaving the keeper with nae chance. He went into a mad frenzy then however literally sprinting back to the halfline shouting WHo Da MAn! This upset some of the Celtic players who were hoping he would do a war dance around the corner flag or something along those lines, giving crucial time for a well earned breather. But no. Ungrateful c**t! Didnt matter however as the ref soon blew his whistle.

The second half started brightly for the hoops after a some well needed counselling due to the language incident and a well earned breather. Slavic, who had a quiet enough first half was shining in the midfield along with captain Stevie as the the balnce of power shifted to the greens. Dan and Jim, swapped wings on numerous occassions contriving to confuse the opposition. One has a shaved head of dark hair and the other long blonde hair. The opposition was far from confused. They rather easily worked out that they just swapped wings. It didnt matter as the Celtic wingers made hay down the wings and pressurised the Menisken defence.

Barry and Markus also reluctantly entered the fray and quickly got involved in the action. Celtic were unlucky on few occassions midway through the half when Barry White missed from a few yards out (blamed it on the gangia) and Andreas a.k.a hot shot Hamish Balfour nearly smashed the post with his free kick. They could have added more if Tornado Adrian got himself onside more. He got duly bollocked for his lethargy. Himself and Barry linked up well with midfield and wingers in particular and it was from this that goal number two found its way goalbound. Slavic picked up the ball 30 yards out and chipped the ball over Chopper Reid in the Menisken goal. The youngster put his arms up and shouted something in Estonian in celebration. It transpired to be something about a broken bottle of vodka and a young chick in his school?.

The hardy bucks from Celtic tackled hard and it was Glyn who got the second Celtic yellow of night (Simon was first) for a rash challenge on the Menisken winger. I got the ball shouted a surprised Glyn. I know that´ the referee replied but you also ripped his patella out of its socket. Glyn shrugged and walked back into position dissillusioned with the level of physicality on show. The Celts closed out the game with only the one scare. A ball into the box was dropped by Goalkeeper Dan (tut tut) but was quickly cleared by the defence who had an inspiring second half performance. The ref blew his whistle and the Celtic were yet again in high spirits after another hard fought victory against arguably the best side they met so far.

They hoops playfully and homoerotically whipped each other with wet towels in the showers as they do when they win but began to feel rather uneasy with Simon as he insisted on showing everyone his gash on his upper thigh. The Celtic are out of action for the next few weeks to let the other sides catch up a bit but also to go on a binge of alcohol, class A drugs and prostitutes to celebrate the best defence in the league thus far. Theyre not the prettiest but theyre the dogs bollox.

Hail Hail
ak

Menisken IF 0 - 2 Gothenburg Celtic FC
(0 - 1)
Tid
32 Utvisning Karl Robert Magnus Hallström
37 Varning Simon Larsson
38 Mål 0-1 Patrick Gildea
57 Varning Glyn Johnson
78 Mål 0-2 Daniel Davis