IF Hakoah 2-3 Gothenburg Celtic FC

IF Hakoah 2-3 Gothenburg Celtic

Location: Heden
Attendance: A fair few loonballs
Team: Daniel, Niall, Markus, Colm, Jason, Simon, Slavic, Stevie(c), Dan, Adrian, Andreas
Subs: Krister, Rossa, Shaun
Scorers: Slavic, Simon, Rossa
Man of the match: Daniel or Jason. Take your pick.
Refwatch: Not too bad at all considering.

To say neither team deserved to lose this game would probably be wrong because lets face it, at times both teams deserved to lose. After the first 10 minutes its fair to say Hakoah definitely deserved to lose and halfway through the second half the Celts deserved to get bate. But there could only be one loser and it sure as shit wasn't the hoops. Hakoah, Gothenburgs number one Jewish team were always going to be a huge obstacle. Unbeaten and flying high since day one, they were well fancied for the game. Celtic sent out undercover spies with their sunglasses and long beige coats to the Hakoah V Billdal game where they were seen to dish out a hammering to their opponents playing silky attacking fitba. But as mentioned somewhere before, Celtic have a zero tolerance policy towards sexy football. Unless of course it comes from themselves. Add to that, the fact that Celtic are the hardest cunts in the league and you have a game on your hands.

Celtic didn't come out the blocks quickly. They came out of the blocks like Usain Bolt smacked out of his head on amphetamine with fire up his hole. Within five minutes Celtic were 2-0 up. The first coming after Andreas dispossessed the Hakoah defender in the box and squared the ball to Adrian who in turn teed it up for Slavic to smash it into the corner. Number two came from more Celtic pressure. With the hoops bearing down on goals, the Hakoah defender and goalkeeper got mixed up and left Simon to gently tap the ball home for his first of the season. You might think the rest of the half was an anti climax after this but was it f**k. Celtic had shots go narrowly wide from Slavic, Stevie and Andreas and Hakoah hit back winning a penalty for a Markus handball. An Arsenal fan he may be but there was no need for Thierry impressions in this game. Hakoah hit their penalty well but American keeper Dan guessed right and saved well before getting prematurely mobbed by teammates. Jason then cleared off the line from a header. The challenges were flying with Slavic earning himself a yellow for a rash challenge. Someday he might learn that it doesn't matter if you get the ball, if you have to pull bits of the opponents ankle bone from out between your studs, there is a good chance it will be a free against you and maybe a yellow card.

The hoops went into halftime knowing that this was going to be a major event in their season as long as they could hold out. Dan was determined to drive it home that we cannot concede. They Shall Not Pass he said in his best Gandalf voice and we duly took note. The Götehoops were NOT going to get anything other than a victory here and may God strike them down if they didn't. Of course it wasn't long before the hoops were shiting themselves from the wrath of yer man upstairs. Dan and Steve got injured so the side was reshuffled and with Hakoah in the ascendancy there was going to be one outcome. A Hakoah goal. And then another outcome. Another Hakoah goal. Oh bollocks.

The defence were heroic up until now but as the old saying goes, throw enough shite at a blanket, some of it is going to stick. Daniel and his defence were clearing their lines all day but they couldn't stop their Jewish opponents scoring from, firstly a fine through ball to the striker and secondly a header from a corner. With Hakoah winning the midfield battle, it took major steps to curb their superiority. Krister, Shaun and Rossa enetered the fray at various stages and pressed the hakoah defence. Rossa beat his man twice to set himself up for a one one on one show down with their keeper but unfortunately he fell on his arse both times. Tornado Kelly couldn't reach a sweet Dan cross in time to head home and Andreas, Simon and Slavic all seen their shots sail wide or saved by the keeper. With the game on knife edge Celtic found that little piece of magic to ultimately spare an apocalyptic massacre. Kelly thought Christmas came early when the Hakoah threw the ball to him deep in their own half and he fed Simon who was bearing down on goal. Simon unselfishly nicked the ball to Rossa who was in a great position. Rossa, who was injured and decided only half an hour before kick off to pull on a shirt in case he was needed to do a five or ten minute shift, slotted the ball past the Hakoah keeper with absolute ease. He didn't stand a chance the poor wee f**ker. Cue massive celebrations on the sideline with Nakamarko Johnstone quite simply losing the plot and sure why not. It was a fantastic effort and the team never gave up in search of a winner. Sure were great.

Five minutes still remained and the defence and goalkeeper in particular still had to keep out Hakoah. Niall, Markus, Colm and Jason fought like the hardy bucks they are in defence and Jason got his head to the ball late on to deny yet another equaliser. Daniel pulled off a few made for TV saves too to defiantly shut out Hakoah. The game ended and the Celts were rather pleased with themselves. Actually they were completely over the feckin moon if the truth be told. Hakoah slumped to their first defeat but illustrated just why they were unbeaten until they came up the Celts. They'll be aggrieved not to get more after missing a penalty and hitting the woodwork on occasions but Celtic had their chances too and nothing can be taken away from their heroics. Another win and another bout of homo erotic towel whipping in the showers to celebrate but we wont stop there. F**k that, winning is our heroin and were well and truly hooked. Just give us the trophy now ya c**ts.

Saying that we'll probably lose our next game.

hail hail

ak

IF Hakoah 2-3 Gothenburg Celtic FC
(0-2)
Tid
2 Mål 0-1 Patrick Gildea
5 Mål 0-2 Simon Larsson
25 Patrick Gildea Varning
59 Mål 1-2 Gad Amkell-landrén
62 Mål 2-2 Robin Adervall
85 Mål 2-3 Colm "Rossa" Keller

Table can be viewed at Svensk Fotboll.